“I’ve had enough, I’m leaving.”

I knew my sin had caused so much pain for Aneta. My wandering eyes when in public together made her feel worthless. The volatile heaviness that smothered me after indulging in fleshly appetites to satisfy lustful cravings that could never be satisfied, affected my bride negatively as a constant source of turmoil. This certainly was not what she had envisioned for our happily ever after. My choices to sin was crushing her inwardly.

As we walked into the pastor’s office, it felt like a bad remake of The Day After, a television movie that came out twenty years earlier on November 20, 1983. The movie depicted a nuclear exchange between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. in the Kansas City region where the exposure to the radiation eventually killed all the leading roles in the movie. Likewise, the prospects of our future together seemed grim due to the rampant sin in my life. The lethal contamination of ins had defiled my soul.

As we sat on the opposite end of the couch, I felt the heaviness of unbelief sagging within. The day before as I stood wailing in my parents’ kitchen, I came face to face with the crippling, oppressive lie, “I can’t ever change, there’s nothing I can do to get free from this bondage.” In the rawness of the exposed wound, the truth of what I truly believed deep inside came to light. For years I had tried to overcome this struggle; yet, it persisted like a sinkhole that slowly expanded as the unseen below caved in. While wailing in the awkward arms of my dad, he asked, “Son, why are you so tormented?”

With the stifling tension between Aneta and me, Ernest asked questions. Then he took a few minutes to speak with each of us individually in private. After assessing the situation at hand, he laid out a plan that he required that I walk out. These were the steps that I was to implement in my life immediately.

1. No more ministry until I got my secret life in order.

2. Meet weekly with a church staff for accountability.

3. Meet bi-weekly with a Christian therapist for counseling on dealing with the roots of anger.

4. Meet monthly with a couple for marriage counseling.

5. Attend a weekly small group at Grace Church.

“We are coming in to provide some measure of control in your life,” Ernest explained, “until you can consistently demonstrate the fruit of self-control as according to Galatians 5:22.” Though I felt hopeless and helpless, I readily agreed to the terms. In the midst of this moment, he also advised us to read a book by Gary Thomas called Sacred Marriage; he explained that it would provide us a healthy framework to understand God’s intent for marriage is to perfect us into the image of Christ through the imperfections of our spouses. This was the plan to “bear fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8).

The long days that followed turned into weeks. The long weeks turned into months. Those long months turned into years chiseled my heart in the mercy of God so that grace could empower me to do what I could not do on my own. Along that rocky terrain, there were moments when I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it. I was addicted to the vileness of this lust that was fueled by selfishness, rebellion, and greed. With each passing day, I had to order my steps to “not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:22). All I could do was take one step at a time, one day at a time.

One spring day in 2006, Ernest notified me, “Brian, you have passed the test, you can pursue whatever ministry opportunities the Lord puts before you.” It was all I could do at that time to not weep with joy as I bowed my heart with gratitude for His mercy and grace. Though I was far from completion, the work of the Holy Spirit was clearly evident in my life. Twenty years to the day when we met Pastor Ernest in his office, we had lunch with Ernest to honor his role in our lives. Aneta and I sat side by side hodling hands as we profusely thanked Ernest for his role in our lives. God used this humble servant to literally save our marriage. In one of my darkest hours, this man provided a burning lamp that pointed me to Christ so that I could make my way through the muck I was traversing. We will be forever grateful for this man’s patience, wisdom, and leadership in our lives. Today was certainly a joyous day to celebrate what the enemy intended for destruction, God has used it for good to touch the lives of many for His glory.

Praise be to the Lord.